Today was a bit different than all other days. After staying at home for more than a year, the days earlier felt depressing and irrelevant altogether. But today, everything seemed to be positive. The sun shined brighter than usual. It was about 5:30 in the morning. My family members were still sleeping. That very day, I didn’t go back to sleep after seeing the time which on any normal day, I would have. That day was different. I wanted to see the sun rise and hear the birds chirp. So, amidst all these thoughts, I didn’t even care to check my phone and see if I received any notifications from my friends. I didn’t even care about how I felt about the day earlier. Whole of the world somehow felt positive that day.
Amidst all these thoughts, I woke up. I decided to complete my morning chores and watch the sunrise. I didn’t even care to look at the mirror that very day. After getting done with my work, I directly proceeded towards experiencing the life I had planned to live for the day. The air seemed to be fresh like never before. The birds seemed to be merrier that day. I spent almost an hour admiring the beauty of nature and then finally returned home. Somehow, something felt unusual that day. Not a single human being cared to bother me that day. It was as if I was nonexistent to them. It was as if no one could see me or feel my presence. In the midst of the chaos of the world which starts early in the morning, my life seemed to be the calm that everyone desires to experience. But, on my way home, the chaos seemed to find its way back to me. Whole of my locality was wailing and mourning for some reason. Proceeding closer to my place, I realized that the source of the mourning was my own house itself. Startled and confused, I proceeded towards my house.
To my surprise, the body I had been carrying with myself the entire morning, was lying motionless on the floor of my house for some reasons. It was then I realized that the body that felt so fresh and light that very morning, was just my soul who had conquered its peace in the best way possible. For some reasons, the peace that I had been longing for long now, felt to be the most disturbing thing one could ever experience. I still wasn’t able to believe that I was long gone now. Gone to a whole different world leaving my close ones mourn for a loss that I had been asking to God for a long time now. In this chaos that my mind was experiencing, I decided to look at myself in the mirror and see if any of this was real. In that very moment I realized that I could see the reflection of everything but myself. I was devastated. I felt that chill of terror running down my spine. The fact that no one, not even myself could see me anymore scared me like never before. I felt my heartbeats racing for some reason. Even though I knew I didn’t have any heart beat at all, I somehow felt my heart would explode.
It was when still standing astonished right in front of my own body seeing people mourn for their loss, I heard a faded voice find its ways towards my ears.
“Shikha,” the voice said. Yes, that is the name my family uses to address me.
The voice continued, “Don’t you see it’s 9:30 already? Don’t you have your classes today?”
I had never been this relieved when someone had told me to wake up and attend online classes.
Yes, as I said earlier, today was different than other days. Today, everything was calm and not chaotic and my dad’s voice trying to wake me up today was the most peaceful music that I have ever heard. Yes, I was so relieved to realize that it was just a dream, leaving me in a state of mind which forced me to think that one day this won’t be a dream and anymore.
Ritu Mahawar is the student of B.A (English) at St. Xavier’s College (SXC), Kolkata